Good morning, folks. I’m standing here in the city square. Behind me, you can see the giant abacus, completely restored and functioning. The latest polling data is in and I can’t quite believe what I’m seeing. The overwhelming majority is on the pole for Jesus.
Everyone I’ve interviewed has told me he’s voting for Jesus. Some were still wearing Barabbas’ colors while professing their change in voting intention. The numbers we’re seeing now are a clear confirmation of the upswing in support for the disgraced Nazarene candidate.
“I don’t care who’s on the ballot,” said one man. “I’m voting for the candidate I believe in.”
“Jesus is the way, man,” another random passerby interjected.
“He is the Christ,” said a man who looked a lot like Peter.
Never in all my years of reporting have I seen or even heard of such an occurrence. It’s looking more and more like Jesus may be back in this thing. We may be witnessing the resurrection of his campaign.
As the numbers continue to come in, it has grown very still here in the square, as if the entire city is holding its breath, awaiting the results of this very important contest. Voting will continue throughout the day, but the official results may not be in for some time.
Will this be it folks? Will we finally see the clear majority needed for a declared winner? Only time will tell.
Jonah Ammitai, Good News Weekly, reporting.