On a Boat, Sea of Galilee, time unknown
Today I’m reporting to you live from the Sea of Galilee where people are gathered by the thousands to hear Jesus the Nazarene speak. This will be his first official public speaking engagement, and interest is high.
His views on healthcare, education, and finances are largely unknown. He has been known to be active in charitable work, even going so far as to help people on the Sabbath, according to one report. Jesus’ charity of choice, Race for the Cure, is one of several Sanhedrin-approved charities in Jerusalem and the outlying cities. Jesus’ work with this group of dedicated individuals has helped to spread hope to people all over this great nation as he helps to cure the sick and heal the lame. No one is excluded from services in the branches in which Jesus has taken an interest. It’s really remarkable the impact he has had on the charity in such a short time.
It is rumored that he is planning to start his own charity at some point closer to the election. The name of the potential charity has been leaked and we at Good News Weekly are offering you the exclusive. That’s right folks, you heard it here first: The Vine Corporation is set to be up and running by the spring of next year, no later than April 25th.
Rumors of the start of this charity have increased his support among the poor and oppressed, with whom he already has a strong following. The promise of new programs to help the blind and the lame have Jesus’ polling numbers going through the roof.
Recent rises in Jesus’ polling numbers suggest that his campaign’s reaching out to minorities, especially in the Samaritan district, has had a real impact on the everyday Israelite.
“He cares,” said one ragged looking character, who claimed to have been instantly cured of chronic sniffles when Jesus walked by. “You just see him and you know it.”
The caring, compassionate candidate has always had a great early run in previous Messiah elections, before petering out before the third crow on election day. We’ll just have to wait and see what this working man’s wonder has up his sleeve for the second half of the campaign.
Jonah Ammitai, Good News Weekly, reporting.
Today I’m reporting to you live from the Sea of Galilee where people are gathered by the thousands to hear Jesus the Nazarene speak. This will be his first official public speaking engagement, and interest is high.
His views on healthcare, education, and finances are largely unknown. He has been known to be active in charitable work, even going so far as to help people on the Sabbath, according to one report. Jesus’ charity of choice, Race for the Cure, is one of several Sanhedrin-approved charities in Jerusalem and the outlying cities. Jesus’ work with this group of dedicated individuals has helped to spread hope to people all over this great nation as he helps to cure the sick and heal the lame. No one is excluded from services in the branches in which Jesus has taken an interest. It’s really remarkable the impact he has had on the charity in such a short time.
It is rumored that he is planning to start his own charity at some point closer to the election. The name of the potential charity has been leaked and we at Good News Weekly are offering you the exclusive. That’s right folks, you heard it here first: The Vine Corporation is set to be up and running by the spring of next year, no later than April 25th.
Rumors of the start of this charity have increased his support among the poor and oppressed, with whom he already has a strong following. The promise of new programs to help the blind and the lame have Jesus’ polling numbers going through the roof.
Recent rises in Jesus’ polling numbers suggest that his campaign’s reaching out to minorities, especially in the Samaritan district, has had a real impact on the everyday Israelite.
“He cares,” said one ragged looking character, who claimed to have been instantly cured of chronic sniffles when Jesus walked by. “You just see him and you know it.”
The caring, compassionate candidate has always had a great early run in previous Messiah elections, before petering out before the third crow on election day. We’ll just have to wait and see what this working man’s wonder has up his sleeve for the second half of the campaign.
Jonah Ammitai, Good News Weekly, reporting.