Samaria 7:30 p.m. Samaritan Daylight Time
Samaria. Hardly the lap of luxury, but there is a certain charm to this place. While not your typical vacation destination, they have built a reputation for the ease and relative comfort of a quick, cheap getaway.
Samaritan citizens have a well-deserved reputation for lawlessness, uncleanness, immorality and just plain being different.
So what brings me to this den of iniquity? Rumors. Rumors and stirrings. Samaria is the home of the world’s only literal Rumor Mill. This mill operates twenty-four hours a day, churning out enough gossip to fuel tens of thousands of conversations on any given boring Sunday afternoon.
Here to talk to us about the mill’s operations is Abraham, known locally as “Abe the Inventor”, the owner and general manager of the Rumor Mill for going on thirty years now. “Abe, welcome. We’re new to the milling business. Can you give us an idea of how it all works?”
“Well, yeah, you see the uh, the rumors come in, you know, and then they uh get sorted and sent out to the proper channels and then they’re just out there, you know?”
I blink a few times before continuing with the interview. “Actually, Abe, I don’t know. Let’s back up a little. Where do the rumors come from? Where do you get your raw product?”
He grins at me. “Aw, Jonah, buddy, you can’t expect me to name my sources! I’d go out of business in half a heart beat!”
“Of course, I understand. I am a journalist after all. Sources, well protected sources, get these rumors to your mill. How do you process them? I mean, aren’t rumors basically just words?”
“Well, yeah,” he answered, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “You see, the words don’t all come in the best shape though. You got to to know your customer base. There’s some tweaking involved to make sure it’s the best possible product, but of course the integrity of the rumors stays pretty much intact.”
“So you customize them according to audience? That’s very interesting. Not your run-of-the-mill gossip mongering.”
“No, no of course not! We do not monger here! We provide a product that people want, and we do a good job of it.”
“And aren’t you worried about the effect your business has on the reputation of the Samaritan community in the outer regions?”
Abe shrugs and smirks. “They don’t like us here. They have never liked us. Why should I do anything to make them like me when they’ve already made up their minds to hate me?”
“You make an excellent point, Abe. Thank you for talking to us, and for the insight into this fascinating and one-of-a-kind business.”
Well, there it is, folks: your first, and likely only, inside look at the workings of a rumor mill. The dedicated Samaritan mill workers will continue to supply us with information about the upcoming election, and other topics of interest, for years to come.
Jonah Ammitai, Good News Weekly, reporting.
Samaria. Hardly the lap of luxury, but there is a certain charm to this place. While not your typical vacation destination, they have built a reputation for the ease and relative comfort of a quick, cheap getaway.
Samaritan citizens have a well-deserved reputation for lawlessness, uncleanness, immorality and just plain being different.
So what brings me to this den of iniquity? Rumors. Rumors and stirrings. Samaria is the home of the world’s only literal Rumor Mill. This mill operates twenty-four hours a day, churning out enough gossip to fuel tens of thousands of conversations on any given boring Sunday afternoon.
Here to talk to us about the mill’s operations is Abraham, known locally as “Abe the Inventor”, the owner and general manager of the Rumor Mill for going on thirty years now. “Abe, welcome. We’re new to the milling business. Can you give us an idea of how it all works?”
“Well, yeah, you see the uh, the rumors come in, you know, and then they uh get sorted and sent out to the proper channels and then they’re just out there, you know?”
I blink a few times before continuing with the interview. “Actually, Abe, I don’t know. Let’s back up a little. Where do the rumors come from? Where do you get your raw product?”
He grins at me. “Aw, Jonah, buddy, you can’t expect me to name my sources! I’d go out of business in half a heart beat!”
“Of course, I understand. I am a journalist after all. Sources, well protected sources, get these rumors to your mill. How do you process them? I mean, aren’t rumors basically just words?”
“Well, yeah,” he answered, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “You see, the words don’t all come in the best shape though. You got to to know your customer base. There’s some tweaking involved to make sure it’s the best possible product, but of course the integrity of the rumors stays pretty much intact.”
“So you customize them according to audience? That’s very interesting. Not your run-of-the-mill gossip mongering.”
“No, no of course not! We do not monger here! We provide a product that people want, and we do a good job of it.”
“And aren’t you worried about the effect your business has on the reputation of the Samaritan community in the outer regions?”
Abe shrugs and smirks. “They don’t like us here. They have never liked us. Why should I do anything to make them like me when they’ve already made up their minds to hate me?”
“You make an excellent point, Abe. Thank you for talking to us, and for the insight into this fascinating and one-of-a-kind business.”
Well, there it is, folks: your first, and likely only, inside look at the workings of a rumor mill. The dedicated Samaritan mill workers will continue to supply us with information about the upcoming election, and other topics of interest, for years to come.
Jonah Ammitai, Good News Weekly, reporting.